Mother Seo-woon Han (pseudonym) Age 16, Aeranwon
Hello, my baby Soo-min. The name I gave you at birth is Soo-min Lim. According to Chinese characters, Soo stands for outstanding, Min stands for agile, and Lim stands for forest. Your name is composed of two meanings: excellent talent and wisdom. I conceived you at a considerably young age.
When I first saw the ultrasound of you, I was so surprised, just the fact that life existed in my stomach was a new feeling for me. But since the upside-down position in my stomach, you were in posed risk, I made sure to stretch daily and eat plenty of fruit. When I was pregnant with you, I ate carbonara pasta nearly every single day. I’m really curious to know whether you like carbonara pasta too! I kept up with my prenatal education and was always so focused on you. When you were in my stomach, you’d work hard, kicking your feet against my stomach. It seems like we both put in a lot of effort towards each other.
On the 36th week and 5th day carrying you, it’s as if you were getting ready to meet the world since my water broke the very next day. I went to the hospital immediately and after two hours of labor you were born at 5:40 am on May 22nd, 2020. 2 hours of labor is relatively short but regardless it was quite unbearable and hurt a lot. However, following the unimaginable labor I forgot all about the pain and was enraptured by you as soon as I saw your face and heard your cries. At the time you were born you weighed in at 2.84 kilograms which was on the smaller side. This made me worry whether or not you’d be able to grow up at a healthy rate. Since it was my first time being a mother, I went through trials taking care of you due to my lack of experience and skills, but I was thankful that you ate well and that your bowel movements were healthy. I wasn’t sure if it was because you were a newborn or if you took after me, but you slept a lot and it worried me. Looking back on that time, I really worried about you a lot…
You were such a good baby that you’d wake up crying for food at dawn and I’d happily feed you your baby formula. Thanks to you, I gained new experiences and learned a lot. Just as you grew right before my eyes, the days rapidly passed by. Perhaps the days passed by so fast because I didn’t want to be separated from you. I took a lot of pictures of you as a baby. I’d always use polaroid film so sparingly but using it to take photos of you wasn’t the least bit wasteful. Even though you will live with a new family and go by a new name after we are separated, I’ll always remember my Soo-min forever and ever. Even if I tried, I could never forget your face since we look too alike. Your eyes, nose, lips, and eyebrows all take after me. You are a carbon copy of me, from your uneven eyelids, your round nose, your defined upper line peak, to the shape of your eyebrows, etc. Your long fingers and toes also come from my genes. If your personality took after me, you’d be an affectionate individual, but it’d probably be best if you didn’t take
after me personality wise.
Soo-min. Our separation is not because I didn’t like you. In my heart, I wanted you to live happily in a family without misfortune so that is how I came to this decision. I really want you to live happily doing whatever you want to do in life. If one day you want to seek me out, please do so. Your mom will be waiting for you. We’ll be separating on your 11th day of life. Since I’m prone to tears and have been crying every single day, you’ve been crying with me as if you know I’m sad. Please, please, I sincerely hope that you meet an amazing adoptive family. I truly love you Soo-min, I still love you, and will continue to love you.
Soo-min, I truly love you and am incredibly sorry.
May 31st, 2020. The day Soo-min turned 10 days old
Your loving mother
[Provided from Aeran Single Parent Family Network Newsletter, December 2020]
