Adoptees of Korea: Stories is a series that tells the personal stories of Korean adoptees from around the world. All stories are written by the individual adoptee and reflect their own experiences.
Name: Sarah Henke (김영순)
Adopted to: Germany
Current Residence: Andernach, Germany
My Korean name is Young-Sun Kim.
I was found in the streets of Seoul at the age of 18 months. My first documented location was a small police station on Myeongdong Street. After I was deemed as not missing, I was released for adoption 3 months later.
For me, my adoptive parents are my parents. My parents have two biological sons, who are 10 and 12 years older than me. I came into the family as the youngest and grew up in the countryside. I wish everyone would have had such a carefree childhood like me.
In 2018 I was lucky enough to travel to South Korea through a cookbook project with “Christian Verlag” publishing house.There I got a little insight into my home country for two weeks. The result is a travel cookbook:
“Sarah Henke
Korea
My Culinary Journey To The Land Of Many Miracles”
I tell my story in it.
During these two weeks, I was accompanied by a photographer and Jain. Jain is a young Korean woman who loves food as much as I do. She showed me “her” Korea and told me a lot of personal stories. In the travel cookbook I write a lot about my thoughts about the country, my feelings, and my encounters.
Here are some excerpts from my book:
I packed Noo Na, a little sheep, that will accompany me [back to Korea].
My parents had it with them on the trip to Korea 34 years ago when they picked me up from Seoul. They spent 10 days in Seoul with me so we could slowly get to know about each other. A slow approach before I was brought to my new home forever. These are now the two people who have shaped my life, who love me so that I can give love, who support me and encourage me to never give up too early, who give me strength to fight for things that are important to me, and always give me strength along the way so that I can achieve my goals. Also on this journey they are always with me in my thoughts and they are very happy that I have the opportunity to get to know my homeland.
A journey like this is also a journey for yourself.
I am not just any tourist who wants to get to know the country and writes a book about the food there. To some extent it is also a journey to what I left behind when I left the country 34 years ago. A past to work on even if it was only a short time. It belongs to me, without it my life would not be the way it is now. Circumstances started my life here and then brought me to Germany. Two people in Germany who already had two sons of their own had the wish to adopt a girl in 1983. It was more of a coincidence that it was Korea, but for me it is of course the best thing that could have happened.
After a close review by the youth welfare office, [my parents] were informed that they could pick me up in Korea. There we met for the first time. I am always told that I was a dad kid from the beginning. My parents spent a few days here with me and had the opportunity to get a little insight into my home country and at least get to know me a bit better before I went to Germany.
I am often asked: Why haven’t you traveled to Korea before? Korea, the country where you were born. This is a good question.
Fear… Fear of what I would find, fear of what the country would do to me, fear of how people would react to me. And now there are less than 24 hours remaining and I’ll be in Seoul. Seoul, the place I left 34 years ago.
Unfortunately there is only little information about my origin. I was found abandoned in Seoul, in a part of the city that was already frequently visited at this time.
I could say “noona” and I could already walk.
Young-Sun Kim
Probably born on February 23, 1982.
Meaning of the name: “Glorious and Good-natured”
I don’t know much, but is it important? Today it counts who I am and what I have made out of my life.
My parents are always there, standing behind me, which is much more important.
I still have doubts, I still don’t know what will await me emotionally over there…
It is not a normal trip, I am not a tourist who travels to a foreign country.
I want more. I want to feel the country, what moves me and what I can take with me during the whole trip. Getting to know the people, the culture and above all, the food will naturally also play an important role.
Arrived in Korea
I feel a bit overwhelmed by the long journey.
Every encounter with Koreans already shows me that they perceive me as if I were one of them. I enjoy this and it somehow gives me a good feeling. I finally have a liberating feeling around my heart…the last few weeks until departure were pure stress for my head and my heart.
Thoughts go through my head:
Does one at some point ever really resolve their past, their origins?
Or is one unconsciously always looking?
I am not sure I have an answer to it or will ever find it.
But I’m happy to have started my journey.
And it’s much more…
I had written some emails before my trip to see if there was an opportunity to visit “Babies Home” in Seoul. This is the place where I spent 3 months before I was released for adoption.
Unfortunately they no longer exist and the building was demolished…maybe it should be that way, my husband, Christian, is not sure if I should really see it.
I do not know, but I have the feeling that it is a place that should have some connection… (addendum: I never went to the place, even two years later in 2020 it wasn’t there).
I get a bit sentimental when I think about being here alone. I would like to share these moments.
If someone asked me how I feel here, I couldn’t answer it in one word. I am very grateful that this trip was made possible for me. It is a strange feeling to be among people who look the same, but are somehow different. Again and again the question arises whether the woman I meet here could somehow be related to me. The probability is very, very low, but somehow the curiosity is there.
There aren’t many words I could speak in Korean at the time, but noona was always there, “sister” in Korean. Out of this I conclude that I was probably not alone. However, not knowing if there is anyone or something more buzzes in my mind countless times. But it helps to be here, getting to know a few moments and circumstances to understand how my home country lives.
My first documented place is a small police station on Myeongdong Street.
[I return there now.] A strange and sad feeling surrounds me. Now this is one of those moments when I wish Christian would be here. It’s all very exciting and with so many impressions that I would like to share. But right now I miss him the most.
The neighborhood is very busy. You could compare it to the “Zeil in Frankfurt am Main,” a main shopping street in Germany. There are lots of shops and lots of people. Thanks to the free WiFi that you always have in Seoul, my app leads me to the police station. It is a very small building, in the middle of the busy and modern shopping facades. Opposite is a kind of seat built to pause for a moment. Rather intended for a breather during a shopping marathon than for someone like me who has to take a deep breath. I’m facing parts of my past. Strange. My thoughts paint back innumerable stories and reasons why I was probably walking around in Seoul back then… I will probably never find an answer to that. I was taken here 34 years ago. Here is the first location that has been documented. Usually the first location is a hospital where you were born. For me, it’s a police station when I was 1 1/2 years old. What was before is unknown. Talking about it is hard to put into words what you feel and what keeps you busy. I am sad and at the same time satisfied that I had the courage to come here. Alone. Like it was 34 years ago.
On a journey like this I realize how much I have already learned, experienced and got to know. I went on this trip to get to know as much as possible about a country where I was born. There are thousands of impressions that I can experience every day. Noises, smells, colors…And the same question always comes to my mind, how would my life have gone if I had grown up here.
—
THE most touching and emotional moment of the trip happened with monk Jeong Kwang.
After the cooking class we spent some time with a strong coffee and sat at the table.
Annyeong haseyo sineum “Hello, monk.”
Jain tells her about my past. That I was born in Korea, but adopted to Germany as a little girl. She tells him why I’m here today…
And then Jeong Kwang says the following words…
“It doesn’t matter who your birth parents are, it matters who you are and everyone can be your mum. I am your mum.”
I cried. The words hit me right in the heart.
“Let out your anger, your worries and your fears, scream them out, you have to free yourself from what is stressing you internally. If you have to cry then cry, it is important to show emotions. They tell you that you are alive. I wish you all the best and that you’ll find your happiness. We are alone, we come alone and we go alone. So be brave and be yourself. You have the power and the strength.”
These words touched me deeply. They came from a person who doesn’t speak my language, someone who got to know me first, in a country that is foreign to me.
I have never experienced such open cordiality. It gave me strength and encouragement. We are all in the world to be happy.
But we are also the ones who can achieve this if we believe in ourselves, listen to ourselves, have the courage to recognize things that are not so pleasant and change things. It is only up to us to think and live positively.
When I’m happy, I radiate that. If I’m happy, I’ll put it in my dishes I cook. When I’m happy, my guests are too. With an unforgettable moment and feeling I drove back to Seoul. It was important for me to make this trip. It was right to let me in on it- And I already know I’ll be back.
Korea is a part of me.
Gamsa hamnida sineum “Thank you, monk.”
—
During the day I visited the Deoksugung temple.
I was there with my parents 34 years ago. Today my dad sent me a picture from back then… and I find exactly the same motif again. A strange but good feeling surrounds me. It was a good feeling that I had the courage to embark on this journey. A strange feeling though, because a thousand questions arise that remain unanswered.
Vijay, who I got to know on the Food Tour, told me, after I gave a short version of my reason for the trip to Korea, that he had done a DNA test himself. And in fact he got the news that there is someone who has similar DNA. It turned out that his brother had this test done a long time ago, independently of Vijay. It was a relief for Vijay that the DNA was from his brother, and not from someone he still didn’t know. I also briefly considered doing a DNA test, but today after my trip I came to the decision that I have my family in Germany. And that the fear of disappointment in finding nobody is too great to give it a try.
I am grateful and satisfied. I have the feeling that part of me is Korea and that is enough and more than I could have expected on this trip.
Today
In February 2020, I spent two weeks in Korea with my husband Christian. We met Jain and her boyfriend. We had a wonderful and unforgettable time. Today I can say that I have two homes: Germany and Korea.
By being able to tell my story with my very personal thoughts, I was able to process my origins. And now I can say that I am one of the children who have a special story to tell.
It doesn’t matter to me to be adopted.
My name is Young Sun, Sarah Eckhardt, born Henke, a woman born in Korea, but raised in Germany. I would like to encourage all those who have been adopted, those who cannot close with their past and those who are still wondering why and who their biological parents are.
As the monk Jeong Kwang said:
“It doesn’t matter who your birth parents are, it matters who you are and everyone can be your mum. I am your mum.”
