My name is Nicolas Beaufor (Park Hyun Choon 박현춘). I was adopted in 1983 by a French family, along with my elder sister. For many years I had a complete rejection of my Korean origins, thinking that my Korean roots were just a burden. It was not easy growing up and trying to make someone of yourself in an environment where everything and everyone were pointing out your physical differences. For a very long time I tried to live without really thinking about where I was born, tried to get to a place in a society where appearance means more than anything else, tried to get true love and real friendship. My path was not an easy one, but it was not complete chaos either. My adoptive family was not abusive nor restrictive concerning adoption matters. They woke us up in the middle of the night to watch the live opening ceremony of the 1988 Seoul Olympics. They even drove us hundreds of kilometers to go to a traditional Korean folk music concert. But even with this kind of family environment, I never actually discussed adoption matters with them, even when I was younger or today. My sister started searching for her birth family quite early. At the time, the Internet was just starting in France, so she spent most years waiting for postal mail to reach Korea and come back to France. She eventually found our maternal grandmother and met our mother in 2010 after 14 years of searching. I did not attend this trip as I was still not ready to face my own past. After that, my path slightly shifted away from my adoptive family and my sister. I am still grateful for my adoptive family, as they raised me and allowed me to become who I am today. But I am also a bit resentful for having to bear the weight of being an outsider in a country that has changed a lot in the past few decades, and how I still don’t recognize myself within that country. I’ve been searching for almost all my life for signs of affection, love, tenderness, and pride, which I did not find in my adoptive parents. But it took me several more years to decide to take the path to my origins for myself. With the influence of my second wife, without whom I would not have taken the first steps, I started my journey.
The decision to search for my birth family came in May 2018, after our honeymoon in Korea. We went to Seoul and Jeju, enjoying Korean hospitality and kindness. I was shown a version of Korea I could never have imagined before. The mention of my adoption to some Korean people was the starting point of a lot of questions from others; a waitress in a Jeju restaurant, a family managing a guesthouse in Seogwipo, even the tour guide of our DMZ visit. But each time it was a benevolent discussion, as they all tried to guide me and teach me more about Korean culture. As we went back to France, I decided it was time for me to start the journey to discover my own roots.
I was not really expecting any result when I sent my first email to Holt. I already knew my sister had succeeded in finding our mother, but since we took different paths, I never asked about her findings. I wanted to deal with my search by myself, without interference from anybody. That’s why I never asked anyone for help; not the adoptee associations or the French adoption agency or Korean NGOs. After the first reply, I received another answer a few weeks later telling me they had found my birth father. I was pretty sure I would be able to meet him. About four month later, I was in a room at Holt Children’s Services Post Adoption Center, with my wife and two kids. It was then, at the age of 40, that I met my father. But again, I was not really expecting anything. I just wanted to reconnect with my past and start a new chapter of my life, no matter whatever may have happened in the past. But the time I spent with my father, and one of my cousins, was life changing.
My father does not speak English at all while my cousin spoke a little and understood most of my simple sentences. I don’t speak Korean yet, so for our first meeting Holt was kind enough to provide a volunteer that did the translation during the 4 hours that we spent together. During one excursion, the son of one of my cousin’s friends, who had studied in the USA, helped us with translating. But after that, we heavily relied on smartphone applications like Google Translate and Papago to help understand each other. It is not the most practical, but it helped break the language barrier. But even without words, some feelings are international and easily understandable, whatever the language.
I will not say that I went to Korea not knowing anything about the culture. I did some research prior to our trip, and spent hours watching K-dramas with my wife ever since we were married. Even though the scenes and acting in the dramas can be well over exaggerated and the portrait of Korean society can often be heavily deformed, there are so many things one can learn from watching. We also watched dramas to train our ears. It made us slowly start to understand some words and be more susceptible to some usual sentences or phrases. My biological family was quite surprised to see that I was familiar with the Korean drinking culture and many of the famous Korean meals like kimchi jjigae, bulgogi, and bibimbap. They wanted to show me some non-touristy places like a Buddhist temple hidden in mountains or cafés for children and their parents. They wanted to enjoy Korean restaurants for pancakes, hanwoo beef, and abalone seafood. The Korean tradition where the eldest pays for the food made my wife and me in an awkward position sometimes because the western tradition is to also pay for the meal when we want to invite family or friends. But we enjoyed so much of our time in Korea with my birth family, that I ended up being “homesick” once I went back to France.
I shared my KakaoTalk ID with my father and my cousin the first day we met. We used this messaging app to keep in touch and to organize our activities in Korea. Back in France, I still use the application to speak with my cousin almost every day and with my father once or twice a month (he is not a big talker nor an SNS enthusiast). My cousin helps me a lot when dealing with Korean culture. They even help me with translation and understanding Korean words. I’ve been digging a lot about my Korean heritage, the name “Park”, and organizations within Korean society, and my cousin has always been there to help and guide me. With proper planning, the time difference is manageable.
Very recently, my birth mother came in contact with me, sending me a message on KakaoTalk. One of my maternal aunts got in contact with Holt on her behalf and then she gave my ID to my mother. Since then, I’ve been exchanging messages with my mother every day, with the help of Papago translation app and my cousin.
For those who are considering starting their search or in the search process, don’t get pressured by anybody. The search must come from you and you alone. Forget about everything that people are telling you, whether it is good or bad, that things won’t change or life will be turned upside down. It is your history, so only you should choose if you want to take the step or not. Just try to find peace for yourself. But never forget that we are hundreds of thousands with a similar kind of history and story, so some of us can help you and guide you. You are not alone…
