Growing up as a Korean adoptee in Germany, I used to get a lot of questions – coming mostly from strangers who tried to figure out what that Asian kid with the perfect German language skills is doing in Germany. However, one question never stopped to baffle me: “Who are your real parents?”
How much more real can it get than the two people who cared for me, gave me a loving home, food, clothes, love and everything else a child needs to grow up safe and happy?
Sure, I knew there were two people out there that gave me life, however, my parents in every sense of the word were always the man and woman I grew up with and who helped me become the person I am today.
Although I made several attempts throughout the years, through my adoption agency and other channels, to find my birth parents, it was never successful; and that was OK with me.
In 2015, I returned to Korea for the first time after my adoption and started yet another search for my birth parents. I had little hope that it would have a different outcome this time. But to my surprise, I woke up one day to a message saying that my birth father was found. I learned that he had been searching for me as well and was overjoyed to get in touch with me.
After an initial exchange of emails, we started messaging each other daily on KakaoTalk. The next two weeks were a whirlwind of me trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I had finally found my birth father, taking a DNA test to verify the relationship, and trying to update each other on the last 34 years that we had spent apart. It was a lot to take in and process. The language barrier and cultural differences made it hard for both sides at times to communicate and/or to understand each other fully.
Three months later I was waiting at the Munich airport for my birth father; he had insisted on coming to visit me. Because of the many pictures we had already exchanged through instant messenger, we immediately recognized each other and shared our very first hug.
The days that followed were filled with a lot of emotions and long talks. I was lucky enough to have friends translating for us, as well as helping us navigate through the awkwardness of being father and daughter yet being complete strangers at the same time.
Two of the things that stood out most to me during this rollercoaster ride of emotions were: a) I immediately felt a connection with and felt comfortable around my birth father and b) his life had also been affected by the decision to give me up for adoption in various ways I have never imagined. I finally got to know the true story, the facts beyond the paperwork. Finally, some questions I had been carrying with me for 34 years were answered, and – to my surprise – I did in fact feel more rooted and connected. Not only because for the first time in my life I was looking at someone and saw a resemblance to my own facial features, but also because at last, I had a link to my past and origin.
And even though it is tough to accept that we cannot make up for all the years, I am very happy that we now have the chance to be in touch, to bond, and to be a part of each other’s lives.
I am still trying to connect to my birth mother as well which – for various reasons – is not easy. But I do know that she is doing well, and I will hopefully be able to meet her in the future, too.
So, to come back to that one question of who my real parents are. The answer for me now is simple: I do have 2 sets of very real parents. One set is living in Germany and I call them “Mama” & “Papa”; the other set is living in Korea and I call them “Omma” & “Appa”.
